50 Things Every Guy Should Know About Pregnancy And Parenthood

Two fathers share the nitty-gritty.

41. You won’t be able to trade in those useless gifts for takeout.

42.  You can taste the breast milk, but you won’t like it.

43.  The only weight you can control is your own.

44.  She is Sybil. You must be Leo Buscaglia, Tony Robbins, Billy Graham and Phil Jackson all rolled into one.

45.  It’s great to be pregnant — for the first two weeks. After amnio, genetic testing and lectures on breech births, you’ll be filled with a mix of anxiety and elation for the rest of your life. Give your parents a hug.

46. Now you know why all those dads at the mall walk around in those doofy cotton sweats.

47. The Baby Björn, My Brest Friend, Boppy. None of them comes in basic black.

48.  Within six months, you’ll resume some semblance of a sex life. With any luck, it will be with your wife.

49.  Your baby will like Gerber’s better than anything you make from scratch.

50.  Of course it changes everything. That’s the whole point, isn’t it?