Trading Up

Sure, you sacrifice some things when you become a dad. But look at what you get in return.

I’m a happy guy. Two healthy kids, a third on the way — it’s as good as life gets. But it’s a different life from the one I had before. Gone are the days when my wife and I could look at the newspaper, see a review of a new movie that looked promising and just go out and see it. Now it’s a six-month process: Read review, forget about movie until it’s on video, check out running time, figure out equivalent in videos kids will watch on other TV, take movie home, watch in 10-minute increments. People tell us Eyes Wide Shut was a cold and detached movie. Armageddon is cold and detached when you watch it in 10-minute increments. Life with kids is wonderful but, as this list shows, you’ll definitely make some trade-offs when you go from man to dad.



What You Give Up               What You Get     

Opening day                                      Father’s Day   

Fantasizing about                            Fantasizing about eight     
exotic vacations on                          consecutive hours in a    
sun-splashed beaches                  darkened room

Seeing 50 different                         Seeing the same      
movies in a year                              movie 50 times     
in a year

Greeting the morning                     Greeting any morning
on New Year’s Day                         with bags under your       
with bags under                              eyes and spit-up on      
your eyes and barf                          your shirt      
on your shirt

Looking at your                             Looking at your
mother-in-law and                        mother-in-law and
seeing a meddler                         seeing a baby sitter   

Impressing your boss                  Depressing your      
by working overtime                      immune system by     
                                                          sleeping undertime

Cracking line drives                      Hearing your knees    
in summer-league                         crack in living-room    
softball games                               wrestling matches   

Zero to 60 in 7                                 Baby’s first crawl     
seconds                                           at 7 months  
 
Investing your money                  Spending your money       
in great growth                             to create growth       
stocks, like Disney                      stocks, like Disney

“Hi, honey, how was                    “Hi, Daddy! Let’s play!”    
 your day?”

Receiving compliments             Hoping no one notices