33. If she wants drugs during childbirth, go get the doctor. Don't ask, "Are you sure?"
34. The delivery room is the only place where screaming and pushing can actually strengthen your relationship.
35. Sometime after the birth, you and your wife will go on a “date.” Midway through, you both will start missing the baby.
36. You’ll get more advice from your childless friends. Parents will usually shrug and say, “It’ll pass.”
37. Now you know why your friends with newborns never let you visit, except to bring food.
38. A nanny is not a lactation consultant is not a day nurse is not a midwife is not a La Leche League leader is not a gynecologist is not a pediatrician. Learn the taxonomy.
39. After a slew of family visits, you will learn to appreciate “Everybody Loves Raymond.”
40. You don’t really have to be in the delivery room.
41. You won’t be able to trade in the less useful gifts for takeout.
42. Breast milk is to your baby like the yellow sun is to Superman. Lay off the bottles in the fridge.
43. A gym membership is not a push present. Save it for yourself.
44. She is Sybil. You must be Leo Buscaglia, Tony Robbins, Billy Graham and Phil Jackson all rolled into one. Hormones can make her feel like she has multiple personalities. Get to know each one, and roll with it. This is temporary.
45. It’s great to be pregnant — for the first two weeks. After amnio, genetic testing and lectures on breech births, you’ll be filled with a mix of anxiety and elation for the rest of your life. Give your parents a hug.
46. Now you know why all those dads at the mall walk around in those doofy cotton sweats.
47. The Baby Björn, My Brest Friend, Boppy. None of them comes in basic black.
48. Within six months, you’ll resume some semblance of a sex life.
49. Your baby will like Gerber’s better than anything you make from scratch.
50. Of course it changes everything. That’s the whole point, isn’t it?