The early weeks of pregnancy are fragile—and confusing. Here, the answers to your questions.
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Taboo thought No. 4
"Sex will be terrible after the baby is born."
We all hear the horror stories: A guy has a kid and suddenly sex is a distant memory. Body parts that used to provide pleasure are now strictly off limits. Her breasts often are tender, leaking or otherwise occupied. And the biggest downer of all: Her vaginal area gets so stretched out by the baby's birth that intercourse becomes less enjoyable. Steven*, who is expecting a child this summer, made the mistake of going on the Internet and reading tales of frustrated new fathers who longed for the days when their wives were "much tighter down there."
According to Fischbein, this is an issue that's not worth stressing about. The reason: The stretching that happens during a vaginal delivery usually does not last, and even if it does, it has little effect on the friction a man experiences during intercourse. "If anything, it's usually the woman who has a problem because she might have a decrease in sensation," he explains. "But men usually can't tell the difference," Fischbein says, adding that the quality of sex is generally not related to the tightness of the vagina.
Taboo thought No. 5
"I'm jealous of the little bugger."
Get used to it: After your baby arrives, you will no longer be the center of your wife's universe. Think of her more like that planet with two moons in Star Wars. "There were definitely times when I felt unappreciated and unloved by my wife," confesses Dan*, who had his first child two years ago. "She wouldn't cook for me, but my baby got a meal every two hours!" Dan doesn't blame his kid; it's not his fault. He's just resigned himself to the fact that he is no longer the most important person in his wife's life.
If you have similar resentment and it's eating at you, you need to talk about it with your wife. "She's busy with a million things, so you can't just expect her to give you the attention you crave," Haltzman explains. (That said, you may need professional guidance if you are so resentful of your baby that you find excuses never to be home, or if you never want to spend time with or take care of him.)
Haltzman suggests that without blaming or pointing fingers, say something like this to your wife: "I feel like I'm not so much a priority in your life these days. And I'd like to change that together." Don't expect to resolve the problem on the spot. The important thing is to acknowledge your concerns and do something about them. "Having a child brings a whole host of changes and requires a tremendous amount of sacrifice," Haltzman concedes. "But by putting aside your ego, you come to grips with an awesome realization: You've brought a new life into the world."
And there's nothing taboo about thinking that.