The right decision for the right reasons.
I am suffering in this heat worse than I have ever suffered in summers past and I have no idea why.
Maybe it is because I trained so hard in the winter and my body became accustomed to that. Or maybe I am getting older and my body is less good at regulating temperature. Or, maybe it is just too damn hot in Boston.
Whatever the cause, I am not running well.
After last week's post, I decided to defer my marathon for a year. My heart is not in it, but even more, I just don't have the time to devote anymore. Given everything else, I am just not willing to dedicate the level of time and commitment it would take to earn a qualifier.
Between that and the heat, I am kind of stumped as to my next step in running. I still like it and I still love the exercise, but I no longer love the time commitment or the rise in body temperature or even the pounding on my body (last week, I did something to my ankle that had me limping for two days).
I think maybe it goes back to something I said about myself earlier. I am not really able to sustain intense passion for many things at once and right now, because work and family are so intense, maybe running has to take a backseat.
This is not to say that I am going to slide into soft, out-of-shape complacency, but maybe some of the fervor I once had for running/biking/lifting has been replaced by passion for other pursuits.
It is all about balance and I am struggling to find mine, elusive though it may be.
So there will not be a marathon this year. I am disappointed (a little), but I know it is the right decision for both my body and my soul. My next steps for running are really going to be just to keep doing it.
I tried my Vibram Five Fingers the other day and was very pleased with the overall feel, thought my calves were tighter than ever the next day.
I am looking for the spark, something to give life to my fitness routine, some kind of inspiration. I don't know what that is right now, but I do know that the past year has taught me a lot about running.
I have watched people that were never runners become runners. I have watched people I once thought were great runners and looked up to become less impressive.
I have learned a lot this year and I sometimes wonder if, in the end, I may be one of those people who did have the "life experience" of a marathon and then stopped running them. I am not sure right now.
What I know for sure is that I lack time, motivation and desire to push myself into another marathon this fall.
And I am still a runner.
Sasha Brown-Worsham is a writer, a mother and an unabashed, unashamed runaholic. Check her progress each week as she trains to qualify for the Boston Marathon.