Just when I decided to leave my past behind, a closed chapter reopened—casting this baby bump in a whole new light
Spending several months fretting about how I was going to raise a child in Los Angeles on my own, I made the rash decision to move to Charlottesville, Virginia. I had never even visited, but had a few friends who lived there, and it sounded like the perfect place for my small family of two. Plus, I was done with Hollywood.
Leaving LA life behind
I had spent a solid decade establishing myself in the entertainment industry, and I had come so far. But the swanky parties and pretty people no longer felt important. The more pregnant I became, the more I sought normalcy and stability, and it wasn't going to happen where I was. I felt like Steve Martin in LA Story, sitting at dinner parties at restaurants with names like Gjelina (pronounced Jaleena), listening to meaningless babble about the hottest yoga instructors, juice cleanses and plastic surgeons, while wearing ridiculously expensive heels, and wishing I was somewhere else (like home, on my couch, alone).
It also depressed me when I saw friends raising children in Los Angeles; the cost of living is insane. Couples with two incomes can barely afford to live in a decent home in a crappy neighborhood, let alone pay for private schools in a city where public education doesn't include music or art classes, and teachers are being laid off every year by the hundreds. How would I hack it on my own? I never imagined bringing up a child like that, struggling to make ends meet.
And let's face it, after years of dating Peter Pan types like Jason, who I hadn't spoken to since the day I told him I was pregnant with his child, I couldn't imagine meeting a guy honorable enough to be the father of my baby.
Resurrecting the past
Around this same time my college boyfriend contacted me out of the blue. Greg was my first love, and the greatest guy I had ever been with. Though it had been almost 15 years since I had last seen him, I had been thinking about him frequently in recent months.
I was embarrassed to tell Greg about my predicament. I was always the ex with the issues, and he was the straight-laced guy who had gotten married when he was supposed to, and always had a stable job. But as soon as I dragged the words out of my mouth, I was reminded why I was so in love with him all those years ago. He didn't judge me. He supported me, and told me that he had never stopped caring about me, and would be there however I needed him. His life hadn't turned out the way he expected either, as he was in the process of getting a divorce from his wife.
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He offered to come out to Virginia the next month and help me unpack and settle into my new place. I graciously accepted. He even said that he wouldn't let me go through this alone, and that if I needed him, he would be there for the birth, which literally brought me to tears because there was still a part of me that felt like I didn't deserve to be loved and cared about.
There I was, six months pregnant, packing up my life and saying goodbye to all of the friends who had been my lifeline for over ten years, heading for the unknown. My baby shower was also my going away party, organized by a group of my amazing friends. It was bittersweet, saying goodbye to all my close friends, while celebrating the impending life ahead.
Feeling sad and lonely the majority of my pregnancy, it finally hit me that in reality I was never going through this alone. Not only did I have old friends and new who cared about me more than I would ever understand, but also a baby inside of my tummy who was going to change my life in unimaginable ways. It was a profound moment when I finally felt ready to become a mother. While I don't know how this chapter is going to end, I'm genuinely excited to find out.
Previous: Part 1: Sexy, Single and Pregnant in the City of Angels Part 2: Officially Single and Definitely Pregnant Part 3: The Single-and-Pregnant First-Trimester Blues Part 4: I'm Single and Pregnant: How Am I Going To Afford This Baby? Part 5: How My Pain Forced Me to Change