Looking for help?
"The No. 1 thing you need to do to help yourself get through a miscarriage is find support," says researcher Denise Côté-Arsenault, Ph.D. "You need to find someone who understands, who's been through it. It's very important to know that you're not alone, that you're normal, that your feelings are OK." If you don't have someone you can talk to, find a support group (look online or check with your hospital or your OB-GYN). Also try the following books:
• About What Was Lost: 20 Writers on Miscarriage, Healing, and Hope, edited by Jessica Berger Gross (Plume)
• Coming to Term: Uncovering the Truth About Miscarriage, by Jon Cohen and Sandra Ann Carson (Houghton Mifflin)
• Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby, by Deborah L. Davis, Ph.D. (Fulcrum Publishing)
• Help, Comfort & Hope After Losing Your Baby in Pregnancy or the First Year, by Hannah Lothrop (Da Capo Press)
• Miscarriage: A Shattered Dream, by Sherokee Ilse and Linda Hammer Burns, Ph.D. (Wintergreen Press)
When you're ready to try again
There is no particular timeframe for when you should try to get pregnant again—it's all individual. Some couples want to try right away; others need to wait a while. Regardless of when you try, Côté-Arsenault says it's strongly suggested that you avoid conceiving at a time that might give you the same due date as the baby you lost. "Having the same due date blurs boundaries and adds pain and confusion," she explains. "You need to keep your pregnancies as unique as possible. One baby doesn't replace another."