When Baby Makes 3
Here's your chance to be a fly on the wall as three couples and a family therapist explore some of the common fears and issues expectant parents deal with. Plus a quiz to find out if your relationship is baby-ready.
She Worries That Having A Second Child Will Cause Them To Lead Separate Lives.
Mariam: My husband's business is his passion, his life, and it's all mixed together. I've had to join his life, or I'd never see him. I don't want separate lives; I want us to be a team. I'm afraid he's so obsessed about making positive change in the world and creating a beautiful life for us that he won't put our family first, moment to moment, day to day.
Dr. Peterson: It sounds like you feel things are unbalanced.
Mariam: I do, and I don't want to just accept it, because I'm afraid we'll drift apart. I'm also afraid that if I don't address it, it will become a big issue in our relationship.
Chris: I don't see it that way; I don't feel I'm going to be uninvolved in our family's life. When we made a decision to have a baby, I accepted the responsibility that comes along with that--it's just as important for me as anything else.
Dr. Peterson: You work together, but you also need "couples time" so that you're not just together for the children and the work. Chris and Mariam, your homework is to find some regular activities to do together, even if it's just once a month. It's the regularity that counts. Spontaneity is for when you don't have kids; plans are for when you do.
He Wants To Watch The Birth; She Doesn't Want Him To.
Marina: I've heard stories about men who watched their wives give birth and then had a very different relationship with her body. They didn't see it quite the same. That's why I want Josh to stay up by my face when I'm having the baby.
Josh: I understand Marina's concern, but I feel that giving birth and having sex are two mutually exclusive things. I really want to watch the birth and don't see myself being negatively affected. I think it will be the most beautiful and amazing thing in the world.
Dr. Peterson: Marina, hopefully that will assure you. You're going to see and have much more to deal with than childbirth as you go through the life cycle together. And it's important for people to see normal births. The negative fantasies happen when birth occurs behind closed doors. It's also important to know that for a woman, sexuality deepens after giving birth--not immediately, but over time. The ability to be sensual increases because more blood goes to the pelvic area.