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Pregnancy Sometimes Makes Her Feel Trapped And Resentful.
Michelle: Recently, Anthony wanted to go out to a club that I love. He didn't want me to go with him because it would be full of cigarette smoke. Of course, I knew I shouldn't go, but I felt like I was trapped because I was pregnant. I realized I was being jealous; still, we had a fight about it and he left the house.
Anthony: I got upset and angry with Michelle. But then I decided that instead of expressing anger toward her, which tends to make her withdraw, I would try to understand where she was coming from. When I tried putting myself in her shoes, I ended up not going to the club. I came home without her knowing it and slept on the couch.
Dr. Peterson: This is the kind of restriction that comes up a lot after a child is born, and it's important to learn what gets you through it. The "attack-withdrawal" syndrome you described won't get anyone anywhere. When discussing things, you need a "soft startup" instead of a harsh one--this means that even though you both might have strong feelings, you need to start dealing with an issue by attacking less and connecting more. In this case, what worked was Anthony putting himself in Michelle's shoes. You both had to give something up, but the way it turned out helped to bond you as a family.