I was always one of those girls who heavily relied on the attention of the opposite sex for validation and self-esteem, so the fact that my phone wasn’t exactly blowing up with potential suitors since everyone knew I was pregnant was quite difficult for me to deal with but at the same time incredibly therapeutic. A decade earlier a shrink handed me a book called Facing Love Addiction and told me that I may have a problem, and of course, being a person who only changed by hitting bottom hard, I refused to read past the first chapter. But sitting here, pregnant and single because I had picked another “winner” of a man, I knew that if I didn’t deal with this crippling character defect that there was no way I could be a good mother for my child.
I hadn’t heard a peep from or about Jason in several months, which I considered a good thing, but at the same time I was curious if he was still around.
“He has a girlfriend,” my friend Heather informed me one day after stalking him on Facebook. “There’s a picture of them kissing on his page. She’s not that cute.”
Though I always imagined moments like this to be traumatic in nature, I was surprised that I didn’t feel a thing. It was like that Taylor Swift song “I Knew You Were Trouble” (isn’t it a grand moment in life when you can relate to songs written for 16-year-olds?). I knew he was trouble when he walked in. I guess once I was able to accept the responsibility of getting involved with him again , against my better judgment, it was easier for me to let go of my resentment— for now at least.
I also had to let go of my unhealthy body image issues. For years I was praised for my fabulous figure and legs-for-miles, but after months of late night snacking and turning to carbs for comfort, I started to look average—and for a somewhat superficial and shallow LA girl, that wasn’t easy to cope with. But I did. One day at a time, I learned to accept my pregnant body and I came to realize that my self worth shouldn’t be defined by how good I looked in a bikini. I was the same person.
Related: Eating Disorders During Pregnancy
Seeking out the root of my mental maladies, I started the process of learning how to love myself from the inside out and not the other way around. They say that you can’t truly love another human being until you love yourself, and with this healing in progress and the life that was forming inside of me, I was finally starting to understand what that meant.
Part 1: Sexy, Single, and Pregnant in the City of Angels
Part 2: Officially Single and Definitely Pregnant
Part 3: The Single-and-Pregnant First-Trimester Blues
Part 4: I'm Single and Pregnant: How Am I Going To Afford This Baby?