Is Your Relationship Baby-Ready?

The quiz below, created by roundtable moderator Gayle Peterson, M.S.S.W., Ph.D., allows prospective parents to identify five major factors that determine the health of their relationship before it's stressed by the birth of a baby: how they make decisions; how well they stay connected when they argue; the amount of family support they have; whether their relationship has healthy "boundaries"; and the warmth of their overall connection. You and your partner should take the quiz separately, then compare answers. This allows you to see any major discrepancies. For example, one of you may feel he or she is always consulted by the other about decisions, and the other may not. The information you gain will help you identify the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship, the first step in facing the challenges parenthood will bring.

How often do you complain that your partner does not consult with you about decisions that involve you both?

Always     Most of the time     50% of the time     Occasionally     Never

When disagreements occur, my partner and I:

Get angry and cannot complete discussions     Get stuck in blaming and withdrawing from each other     Emotionally shut down and stop talking for at least 24 hours     Take some time apart but are able to reconnect and talk about the disagreement within 24 hours     Remain emotionally connected during the argument even if we do continue to disagree

How would you describe your relationship to your partner's parents?

Cool and emotionally distant     Stifling     Overly close     Close-knit     Comfortable and supportive

How would you describe the influence of your partner's parents when it comes to decision making?

Partner always takes his or her parents' suggestions over mine     Partner always agrees with his or her parents but acquiesces to my point of view if different     Partner is overly influenced by his or her parents' suggestions but discusses decisions with me before coming to a conclusion     Partner always opposes his or her parents' suggestions     Partner and I work as a team in making decisions for ourselves. His or her parents' suggestions are not an issue.

When it comes to verbal expressions in your relationship, which of the following ratios comes closest?

20% love and appreciation/80% complaints and criticism     50% love and appreciation/50% complaints and criticism     60% love and appreciation/40% complaints and criticism     70% love and appreciation/30% complaints and criticism     80% love and appreciation/20% complaints and criticism