I hear it often. "Before we had kids, we used to _____ all the time." Couples typically fill in the blank with something really fun that they used to do together, such as having lots of sex, adventures, great conversations, or laughing a lot. As a relationship therapist, I ask distressed couples who are in my office, "Why did you stop?"
Three weeks before the birth of my first daughter, when I was swollen, uncomfortable and horrified by my bloated body, distended fingers and inability to see my toes, my midwife suggested I have more sex.
"Seriously," she told me. "If you want her to come sooner, try having more sex."
You have tons of stuff to think about right now: Will my baby be healthy? What sort of mom will I be? How long will it take my belly to go down after birth and will I fit into my skinny jeans again? Now, let’s be clear: What does my partner think about my boobs? shouldn’t top your list of concerns. We certainly don’t expect to be your No. 1 priority at this point.
Flowers, candy, and back rubs are great, but if you don't bring the compassion into play, you're only doing half of the job. But what does compassion really mean? Don't go running to Dictionary.com: Think about what compassion means to you specifically, and where it's lacking in your life, your career, and your relationship. My guess is that you haven't considered this as much as you have considered concepts like love, understanding, and caring...
My son was born seven days past my due date, and I remember those last weeks as unceasingly uncomfortable, characterized by the sensation of a bowling ball bouncing on my cervix and the conviction that this baby was never going to be born. All this, plus the perennial conversation starter: “No baby yet?” (The only appropriate response to which is to tear the speaker’s head off and the pickle it, because your stomach is too squished with baby to be able to really eat much.)
I remember being asked how far along I was and responding, miserably, truthfully, “Ten months.”
Now that you’re pregnant, has your sex life gone into a deep freeze? If so, consider thawing it out. In most cases, not only is a roll in the hay perfectly safe through your final trimester, it’s good for your mental health and your relationship. Here, our top four reasons to get down while you’re knocked up.
It’s reader email week and I’ve picked my favorite. I’m not going to name my e-mailer because I think she speaks for a lot of women. Here’s what she wrote:
I get lots of emails about breastfeeding, but even more about breasts, sex and boob jobs. Women want to know, “Am I normal?” but don’t always feel comfortable asking their doctor or midwife. So, they ask me. Here’s a sampling of some of the very breast questions:
My breasts were always more decorative for me during sex before I got pregnant. Now, they’re my main attraction. I mean I actually had an orgasm when my husband got busy with my girls and that’s never happened before. Am I normal?
Yes, it is safe to use vibrators during a healthy, low-risk pregnancy. Just make sure you keep your vibrator clean. After every use, wash the surface with warm water and a gentle soap.
I have psoriasis, and for 20 years my scalp has been so crusty and flaky that a shake of my head can create a snow-globe effect. But when I was pregnant, an amazing thing happened: My flakes vanished. I stopped getting treatments at the dermatologist’s office and started wearing black sweaters, just because I could.