Ways Parents Sabotage Their Kid's Sleep—And What To Do Instead

Are your nights an endless cycle of wake-ups? Don't worry: These nighttime woes won't last forever, but that doesn't mean that there aren't solutions you can implement today. And they might just start with learning how you can approach your child's sleep differently.

Take a look at these expert-approved tips for baby, toddler, and preschooler sleep. With just a few adjustments to your routines, your little one may just drift off to dreamland in no time flat. If your kid isn't the only one struggling to sleep, we also recommend products to help the whole family.

How to Support Your Baby's Sleep

At what age should you stop cuddling your child to sleep? Experts say you should put your baby down to sleep by 3 months. Here's why: Parents tend to spend too much time rocking and holding their infant at the beginning of the night. "As a result, a baby learns to fall asleep with this help—and then when [they] wake up during the night [they] can't get back to sleep alone," says Judith Owens, MD, director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Boston Children's Hospital.

Anything goes during the first several weeks of your baby's life as you attempt to get your baby to sleep however you can. But by 3 months, experts recommend staying to put them down in the crib drowsy but awake. Although they'll cry for a while, soon, your baby will learn to drift off without help.

Avoid napping on-the-go

As much as possible, have your baby nap in their crib. "If [they] often fall asleep in a stroller or a car seat, [they're] going to associate motion with sleep and have a hard time nodding off without it," says Jodi Mindell, PhD, associate director of the Sleep Center at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.

Your rule of thumb? Aim for at least half (though ideally more) of your baby's naps to be in a bassinet or crib.

Separate feeding from bedtime

When her son was a baby, Angela Mattke, MD, a pediatrician at the Mayo Clinic Children's Center in Rochester, Minnesota, would breastfeed right before putting him down. "Because of this, whenever he'd wake during the night, he wouldn't fall back asleep until I breastfed him," she says.

At 8 months, when he was still waking three or four times a night, she decided to switch the routine and start sleep training. After a challenging week in which she gradually allowed her son longer times to calm himself before returning to the room (and not offering additional nursing), Dr. Mattke's son learned to self-soothe.

You may be able to avoid this problem by finishing your baby's final feeding before you start the bedtime routine. Also, try to feed your baby in a room other than their bedroom so they don't associate nursing with sleep.

Pick a method you can manage

When you're ready to sleep-train (no earlier than 4 months), you have a few options, says Lisa Medalie, PsyD, director of the pediatric insomnia program at The University of Chicago Medicine.

For example, you can put your baby down awake but drowsy and let them "cry it out" without reentering the room. Or you can opt for a more gradual method like the Ferber Method, which allows you to check on your baby after putting them down but calls for slowly increasing the time between check-ins the first night, from every five minutes for three nights to every 10 for the next three, and so forth, until you no longer go in at all.

Let your baby make some noise

Don't come running the instant your baby makes a peep during the night. Give them a chance to work it out for themselves and see if they fall back to sleep without your help, says Dr. Mindell.

Worrying about an older child who shares the bedroom? Don't. Chances are they won't wake up (and if they do, they'll probably roll over and keep snoozing). "If you go in every time you hear a sound, you're going to create a sleep monster," warns Dr. Mindell.

How to Support Your Toddler's Sleep

Most kids transition from two naps to one sometime between 15 and 18 months. If you're letting your toddler nap too much during the day, they won't be tired enough to fall asleep at bedtime. Limit your toddler to no more than three hours of daytime sleep in total.

Here are a few other tips that can help your toddler become a better sleeper.

Nap early (and in the crib)

Make sure your toddler doesn't snooze too late in the afternoon since this will make it harder for them to drift off at night. "Naps shouldn't start later than 2 p.m.," says Dr. Medalie. Except when it's unavoidable (such as at a child care center), your child's sleep location should be consistent. "Toddlers should be napping in their bed—not on the couch, not on your bed, and not on the floor," says Dr. Medalie.

Delay transitioning to a big-kid bed

Lots of parents feel they need to move their toddler to a big-kid bed by age 2. Not true. Think about it from your child's point of view: "You're taking away [their] safe haven—and toddlers don't always have the behavioral control to stay within the boundaries of a bed," says Dr. Mindell.

Unless your toddler is climbing out of their crib regularly, it's best to wait until around age 3 to make the switch.

Eliminate excitement

Rethink your bedtime routine if it includes a tickle fest. The hour before bed should be quiet and soothing. "If your child is racing around, it'll make falling asleep harder," says Dr. Owens.

Set firm boundaries

"Once my kid started sleeping in a big-boy bed at age 3, we made a rule that he had to stay there," says Dr. Mattke. "He could call us, but he couldn't go out to find us." If your child comes into your room, make sure they're not sick—then walk or carry them back without delay.

How To Support Your Preschooler's Sleep

Once you get your baby sleeping through the night, you might be surprised to find that as they grow, they will still experience periodic sleep problems. For example, bigger kids commonly get a case of FOMO (fear of missing out) at bedtime, making your routine feel challenging. Here are some tips to help your preschooler settle down and go to sleep.

Encourage mindfulness

Mindfulness means getting in touch with your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

Consider using a kid-friendly meditation and mindfulness app to instill these practices. There are apps that teach deep breathing exercises, engage children in mindfulness activities, and even provide guided sleep meditations.

Your kid may have fun with the activities, which can encourage peacefulness, quell over-excited emotions, and promote peaceful sleep. It's a win for everyone!

Break away from your child's bedroom

Need to kick the habit of lying next to your child until they drift off? Slowly transition yourself out over a few nights. "First sit at the edge of the bed as [they] fall asleep, then move to a chair in the middle of the room. Next move to the doorway, and finally go out into the hallway with the door open," says Dr. Medalie.

Don't make bedwetting a big deal

While it can be frustrating when your preschooler wakes up wet in the middle of the night, don't make a big deal out of it.

"Bladder maturity varies widely among children. It's normal for a child to have accidents at night until around age 7," explains Dr. Mattke. Quietly and matter-of-factly, ask your kid to change into dry clothes while you change the sheets. If your child regularly has nighttime accidents, it may help to use a waterproof mattress pad.

Incentivize bedtime

If your preschooler constantly resists going to bed, avoid arguing and making threats. Instead, set up a favorite activity as the last step of your nighttime routine. Give your child something appealing to forward to, says Dr. Mindell. For example, one family she worked with had a son who was obsessed with G.I. Joe, so they made five minutes of playing quietly with his action figures the final step before lights out.

Curb co-sleeping

No matter how tired you are (and how cozy it might be to curl up with your preschooler), don't let them slip into your bed during the night. Bring your child back to their room, and avoid talking or cuddling, says Dr. Medalie.

Encourage them to stay put by giving them two "bedtime passes" at the beginning of each night. If your child comes into your room, they must hand one over. If your child has one left in the morning, they can exchange it for a sticker. This extra motivation might be all they need to stay in their own sleep space.

Settle for quiet

Some days, your preschooler might still need a nap; some days, they won't. Rather than forcing the issue, set up a rest period after lunch when they can play quietly on their bed if you're at home. If your child falls asleep, be sure to wake them after an hour.

Stick with the plan

Parents often let kids' sleep habits slide by age 4 or 5. "They cut corners on the bedtime ritual and may stop insisting on a regular bedtime," says Dr. Owens. Even though your kid may seem big to you, remember that they still need a predictable routine to settle in for a good night's rest.