Don't Try This at Home

Baby's 14th Month


This week’s recipe is not exactly how I made dinner tonight, though the results are the same. I’m alone in Vermont with Leo this week, and I’m already behind in my coursework. So naturally, Leo woke up at 5:15 a.m. I had been with him for 5 hours by the time I dropped him off (early) at daycare. When I picked him up at 5 p.m. we were both beat, but I had salmon to cook, and Leo was, as usual, ravenous. Here’s how I really made dinner:

  1. Set a pot of water to boil while trying to prevent toddler from pinching fingers in drawers of non-childproofed rental house.
  2. Strap child to back (praise the Ergo), hand him a cooked carrot you find in the fridge and chop some onion. Belt out I’ve Been Working on the Railroad when he starts shouting in your ear and kicking you with impatience.
  3. Sauté onion while singing and dancing, then throw fish in the pan and throw child on couch. Chase child in circles around house while fish cooks until you slip on that cooked carrot, knocking over the cat’s water in your fall. Throw a towel on the floor and stomp on it a few times.
  4. Strap child into booster seat with crust of bread and drain pasta. Toss with sauce and realize there’s no way to cool this down fast enough to forestall the screaming. Fold in yogurt in a desperate attempt.
  5. Allow child to feed himself and the floor of the rental house while chopping parsley. Notice that the yogurt is quite tasty here and decide to write recipe down for the blog. Forget to take picture.
  6. Sit down to eat like a civilized family. Except one of you insists on eating out of the other’s bowl with his fingers. Even though you’re having the same thing.
  7. Clean up, sort of, and drag child out of doors before any more messes happen. Pretend lawn chair is a bus. Pretend lower back does not mind the up and down the stairs game.
  8. Bathtime. Attempt to get child clean while discussing difference between a cow and a sheep (baa. moo. repeat.).
  9. Zip squirming tadpole of a child into green pjs, turn off lights, flop into rocking chair to nurse, and nuzzle nose into top of child’s head.
  10. Breathe in the sweet smell of … salmon.