Is It Ever OK to Tell Another Woman She's 'Next' Where Having a Baby is Concerned?

If you have friends who had children before you did, chances are you've heard things like "you're next" or "when are you having babies?" entirely too many times. It's happening now to Hills alum Heidi Montag—as far as we see it, it just shouldn't be happening.

Heidi Montag Pregnancy Talk Helga Esteb/Shutterstock
Fans of The Hills have definitely noticed that most of the show's main cast members have gone on to become mamas (or mamas-to-be). Former Fit Pregnancy cover girl Kristin Cavallari is a mom of three; Audrina Patridge has a daughter; and both Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port are expecting their first children. But Heidi Montag Pratt—the cast member who is still married to her Hills sweetheart—hasn't yet joined the club, at least not publicly. 

Audrina, who also appeared on a Fit Pregnancy cover, addressed this in a recent interview. “Heidi’s the only one! She’s the only one," Audrina told Us Weekly. “Heidi wrote me congratulating me about Kirra and I was like, ‘You’re next!' And she’s like, ‘Yeah!’ They want to try this year, so we’ll see what happens.”

We understand that moms want to share the beautiful experience of motherhood with their closest friends, but this whole thing leads us to an important point: Maybe it's not exactly OK to say something like "you're next" to a friend—or to ask someone when he or she will have children.

It's a tough one, because there's almost never malicious intent behind statements like these. We certainly don't think Audrina meant anything negative by saying what she said, but we also think this can be really touchy territory. You never know what's someone is going through, and you might be striking a really painful nerve.

Most mamas don't seem to see the harm in line of questioning, especially if they got pregnant without much trying themselves. But countless women experience infertility or miscarriage. Some may be mentally ready to get pregnant but are dealing with medical issues, financial constraints or unwilling partners. They may be waiting to hear good news about an adoption or surrogacy. Or maybe the couple in question is one of the many couples who simply decided parenthood isn't for them. Plus, asking someone when she'll have a baby is essentially asking her when she'll conceive, which is sort of ridiculous. No one knows when she'll get pregnant before the fact! 

Audrina's heart was almost certainly in the right place, but we need to be more careful when it comes to making statements like these to women who don't have kids. You really never know the entirety of someone's situation; by commenting on such a sensitive topic, you just might be rubbing salt on a really, really painful wound.

What are your thoughts on this? Were you ever on the receiving end of comments like these before you announced your pregnancy?

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