04.07.08: 13 Weeks
When you live on Cape Cod, you get used to seeing a lot of fog. This past Sunday as I was driving to church, I came to the top of a big hill that looks down over the town of Sandwich. From this vantage point, you can see to the ocean. But this time, all I could see was a thick grey fog masking this vista that is normally so breathtaking. A few minutes later as I was getting out of my car, the foggy mist swirled around me leaving my skin raw. I dashed into church as quickly as possible to escape the cold dampness.
After church was over, I bundled up and braced myself for the wet air once again, but when I stepped outside the sun had broken through the clouds and was burning off some of the fog. Even though the breeze still carried grey swirls of mist, the spring sun above warmed me just enough to take that bone-chilling rawness away.
The fog of nausea and fatigue that's been hovering over me for this entire first trimester is also starting to burn away. Yesterday I actually woke feeling slightly energized. Instead of my usual bowl of plain cheerios and skim milk, I made myself a batch of scrambled eggs with black beans, cheese, and salsa and rolled them into a hearty whole wheat tortilla. I ate the whole thing, and felt so healthy and fortified. I spent the rest of the day at a friend's house enjoying good conversation and a wonderful lunch. Even though a slight fatigue started to creep over me after we had eaten, and I've been fighting pregnancy headaches the last few days, I felt the best I have since week six.
My mood is also improving. On Monday, I had an early-screen ultrasound. I got to see what now looks like a real little baby floating around inside me. While the trek into the doctor's normally takes everything out of me, I left feeling a true spark of excitement about the pregnancy. The doctor even took a guess at the sex of the baby. He tells me it's too early to confirm for sure, but based on what we both saw there's a good chance that he was right. I'll save that news for a future post, though!
There's a beauty in the Cape Cod fog. Even though it can be grey and dreary, there's also peacefulness. If you go to the beach when it's foggy, you are greeted by solitude. The salty air and rolling waves still permeate your senses. You can hear the occasional squawk of a seagull or perhaps a brief splash of a school of fish in the water, but mostly it's quiet. Yet as an onlooker you realize that the fog is merely a thin veil. The fog that's accompanied me through this first trimester has been like this too. The dreariness I've felt has been overbearing at times, but perhaps it forced me to take the rest I really needed to nourish this baby through its earliest development. And now I'm finally starting to see the beauty that's been hidden behind the foggy veil. I'm finally starting to see the clear blue ocean that lies ahead.
Shelley Abreu is a freelance writer living on, what is sometimes, a very foggy Cape Cod.