A Hole in the Universe

3.26.07: I know better, but sometimes only a donut will do.


It's 4 a.m. Do you know where your glazed chocolate-cake donut holes are?

I certainly do—they're right here, clustered in the most appealing way alongside my computer mouse. Finally, after an hour and a half of struggle, the wailing, teething baby has been rocked and fed and patted and rocked and shushed and diapered and burped and rocked some more, hugged, stroked, bounced, walked, dandled, swaddled (then rapidly unswaddled), rocked still more, and—at long last—he's down for the night. Or, more likely, down until at least 5 a.m.

Meanwhile, mommy is most definitely up, wide awake and HUNGRY.

Since I'm chronicling my weight loss travails for Fit Preg, and even have my own very impressive diet coach, Eileen Behan, R.D., I know what to exactly what to eat at a time like this: I've been very well coached on the matter. Whole grain cereal with low fat milk is one good option'—a nutritious choice that's high in fiber and low in calories. Nonfat yogurt is another sound choice; it's rich in calcium and filling, delivering lots of flavor bang for the caloric buck. Fresh fruits and veggies are also fair game—they're a veritable all you-can-eat buffet for new moms, 24/7. An apple, say, or a handful of celery sticks.

These are the smart choices. I know this—I'm perfectly aware of that. Hell, I'm even sitting here writing about these waistline-friendly "midnight" (I wish!) snacks.

But am I going to eat them? Nay.

I am going to eat a donut hole. It is the only possible salve for my tired and wired soul at this infernal hour—a time in the morning when no right-minded adult should ever have to be awake and sober at the same time. This little blob of delicious deep-fried cake batter enrobed in a nutrient-free sugar crust will calm and satisfy me in a way that no carrot stick could right now, cheer me in a way no Cheerio could dare to dream.

The problem with donut holes is, there's always the second one. Then after that, the third. And, well, you know what comes next. You can count. They're so small and bite-sized, so easy to eat and irresistible. Insidious, really.

Now that I think about it, maybe they're not so cute and delicious-looking there in their little brown pile; maybe they're dumpy and repugnant, just like the blobs of cellulite they'd be destined to become should they pass through my exhausted, weak, and utterly famished lips.

Perhaps I will not eat them. Perhaps I will instead march straight down to the kitchen and prepare a bowl of All Bran, maybe slice a banana over the top, enjoy the feeling virtuous as I eat every fiber-filled bite. Yes, I will do that, and feel better about my life in the morning'…

Oh, crap, is that fussing I hear? It is. I'll have that donut hole after all, but I guess I'll take it to go.

Check out Hillari's New Mom Weight Loss plan. Also, check out her column in Fit Pregnancy magazine, on newsstands everywhere.