Infertility Frustrations: Why 'Trying' to Conceive is So Darn Hard

One woman shares her struggles in trying to get pregnant.

woman looking at pregnancy test Celebrity Monitor/Splash News"‹

There are few conversations about sex that actually make me want to punch a wall—even three years later. But one conversation in particular has had that effect.

It was an office Christmas party, and a circle of women was engaged in animated chit chat about work, pop culture, and all the sorts of things you discuss at Christmas parties. We worked at a magazine that covered books, so I mentioned a new nonfiction title coming out called The Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant.

The second the title left my mouth, one woman, a 50-something with a blonde bob and photos of her two kids plastered around her office, snorted so loud she nearly dropped her drink.

"Oh PLEASE," she guffawed. "Is it just the words 'Have lots of sex' repeated for 200 pages??"

Modern women (and men) are blessed with an excellent body of knowledge on how to get pregnant. From middle school on, we learn precisely what activity winds up getting a girl knocked up. And so we spend the first 10, 20 — even 30 years of our post-puberty lives doing anything possible to not wind up pregnant.

And then, when/if we eventually choose to reverse gears and produce some babies, we think we know what's in store: sex, and tons of it. Nonstop orgies of pill- and condom-free sex. The flowing river of sex you always wished you could have. A wild circus of erotic wonders and orgasms galore!

What no one mentions is that there's a perfectly good chance that you won't get pregnant on the first go-round. Or the second. Or the third. And that before you know it, the one activity that has been your go-to for pleasure in life has become a ceaseless, soul-crushing chore.

Related: Trouble Getting Pregnant? Blame Stress!

Yes, you read that right: Sex to conceive can be a miserable, pleasureless act that makes you question why anyone does the deed at all.

The fact is, getting pregnant can be very easy. Or it can be impossible. Some women slip and fall on a penis, and look! They're ready to give birth nine months later. Others spend years, thousands of dollars, and a good portion of their sanity on pills, injections, painful and uncomfortable procedures and more pills, only to wind up with absolutely zero results.

Modern medicine knows very little about the differences between these two types of women. Much of the time, doctors and science can't tell you which type you are. Your ability to get knocked up when you want to all depends on a million things going right at any one time (to the point that it's almost remarkable that anyone ever gets pregnant at all). And the kicker is, you won't have any idea which side of the spectrum you fall on until you actually leap in and start "trying." (See? Even the word we use for sex when it's supposed to result in pregnancy — "trying" — is unsexy. Trying.)

Visit for the full story: Trying To Get Pregnant? The Ugly Truth No One Ever Tells You

By Anne Fallon

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