Question: What did you worry about? Answer: What didn't I worry about? See how one woman, who goes by the nom de plume 'Hilariously Infertile,' found that her worries shifted from one pregnancy to the next.
What did you worry about while you were pregnant? For me, it was everything and nothing at the same time. And it was totally different things with my first pregnancy as opposed to my second pregnancy.
First pregnancy worries are worries about things that you can't control. Or things that you think are huge and meaningful at the time, but after having a baby you realize that they're pretty small, meaningless and petty. Second pregnancy worries—well, they came with a lot more anxiety.
Here's a glimpse into my crazy mindset for each pregnancy.
What I Worried About in My First Pregnancy
1. Will I poop when I give birth? Pooping on the table during childbirth was my biggest fear. I thought that I would be mortified if I pooped uncontrollably in front of my husband, that we wouldn't be able to come back from that. I didn't know that after having a child, pooping and any aversion to pooping would be the least of my worries. Peeing after childbirth, not fainting over the amount of blood after childbirth, sitting in a chair after childbirth, nipples after childbirth—those were the real things to be worried about.
2. Will my vagina go back to normal and will it still be a place where my husband's penis wants to hang out? This was my second worry, but really, it was tied for first. I asked this question to everyone and anyone. Co-worker, asked. Family member, asked. Friend, asked. New neighbor who I barely know who has a child, asked. Lady working behind the pharmacy counter who looks friendly, asked. Everyone told me yes, but I didn't believe them. As it turns out... the answer is yes.
3. Will watching too much Criminal Minds during pregnancy make my child a sociopath? This was an honest concern of mine. I thought about it all the time. I was obsessed with this show, which caused me to have absolutely crazy psycho dreams. I had dreams about the show making my kid a serial killer all the time. I still don't know if the dreams were caused by the pregnancy or the TV show. As it turns out my baby wasn't a serial killer, although those long months of colic are cruel torture.
4. What about the baby weight? I gained a considerable amount of weight during my pregnancy and as vain as it sounds, I worried a lot about not being able to lose it. I thought that I would always have those extra pounds and struggle with it for the rest of my life.
What I Worried About in My Second Pregnancy
1. How am I going to do everything that I do for my almost three-year-old with a newborn? How am I going to do dinner? Bath time? Nighttime routine? Books? Any of it, all of it? Having a three-year-old is demanding enough. Having a three-year-old and a newborn baby at home set me panicking. Nights and nights of no sleep, where I went through the daily routine in my head and how I would handle it with both kids.
2. Will my baby be healthy? With my first child I was concerned about the little things, but with my second I was concerned about the biggest things. Will my child be healthy? Will it have any developmental issues? I knew how much I loved my first baby, but for my second my worries were bigger because my heart was bigger.
3. Can we handle it? Lots of people have two children, or more. We can handle it, right? I teach fourth grade—a class of 21 10-year-olds—and I was worried about having two small children at home. Sounds funny because it is. Could we handle it? Could our marriage handle it? Could our house, chores, jobs, errands handle it? It turns out... it could.
4. Will my vagina go back to normal and will it still be a place where my husband's penis wants to hang out? .... Yes!
Hilariously Infertile is a school teacher who underwent IUIs and IVF to conceive her children. She wrote a book about her experiences and blogs anonymously on the website Hilariously Infertile.