Sick of listening to everyone who has ever been pregnant tell you how wonderful the second trimester is? Well, guess what? All those people were right.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how sick are you of listening to everyone who has ever been pregnant (or known a pregnant person or watched a TV show with a pregnant person in it) tell you how wonderful the second trimester is? How reassured did all these “reassuring statements” make you feel when you were busy wanting to sleep or throw up, or maybe both at the same time?
Well, guess what? All those people were right. (Isn’t that annoying?) The second trimester is great and totally makes up for the misery of the first one.
Presenting, a dramatic rendition of your second trimester:
You step out of a dense fog that smells like feet and emerge onto a sun-drenched plain where Legends of the Fall–era Brad Pitt is standing with his arms outstretched. You float toward him, a flock of adorable little cartoon budgies chirping at your side. Your hair is long and flowing, bedecked with a crown of lotus flowers. You take a deep, meditative breath (because your stomach has not yet moved your lungs into your shoulders, and you can still do this), and you do not sneeze. In the second trimester, there is no pollen.
If we have not yet made this clear, the second trimester includes some extremely good stuff. First, you are basically a hair-and-nail supermodel. The best part, though, is the energy: You will suddenly find yourself behaving like a person who has ingested nine espressos, minus the anxiety and toxic breath.
More fun things coming your way:
1. You can finally tell everyone. (Okay, so you already told the mailman, the guy who makes your egg sandwich at the bodega, the Verizon customer service rep, your neighbor’s plumber, and the mystery person who picked up the phone when you were trying to call your dentist, but now you can tell your boss and Facebook.)
2. People will start to notice. This is fun, because now they’ll start doing things like giving you seats on crowded trains and holding doors for you and generally treating you like a snowflake.
3. You can start planning your shower and choosing stuff for your registry. BUY ALL THE TINY THINGS.
4. You may feel your baby move for the first time. This is 100 percent as thrilling as it sounds. And in just a few short weeks you will enter a period of life during which you enjoy a nightly viewing of The Most Exciting Event That Has Ever Happened: You will start actually seeing the skin on your stomach moving around. You will not be able to believe that this has ever happened to a person before, and you will make a videotape of your stomach and put it on YouTube, where it will get six views because this totally happens to everyone.
5. Sex still feels like a reasonable pastime! You may even find yourself wanting to do it way more than usual (the reason it’s so great right now has something to do with increased blood flow to the pertinent areas, but whatever: orgasms). It’s an exciting time—one of the most exciting times of your life. Enjoy. And for god’s sake, take a lot of photos.
From THE BIG FAT ACTIVITY BOOK FOR PREGNANT PEOPLE by Jordan Reid and Erin Williams, published on April 25, 2017 by Plume, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. Copyright © 2017 by Jordan Reid and Erin Williams