What to Know About Sex After Birth

What does sex after birth feel like, and how long after giving birth can you have sex? Here are answers to your postpartum sex questions.

Health care experts often advise waiting until six weeks after giving birth to have penetrative sex. But even then, the thought of postpartum sex can be overwhelming.

That shouldn't be surprising given everything stacked against new parents: the lingering pain from delivery, raging postpartum hormones, baby blues or postpartum depression, body changes, and of course, the biggest libido-killing elephant in the room: the pure exhaustion of having a newborn. You also might feel "touched out" after cuddling a baby much of the day.

So what will postpartum sex be like? The truth is sex after birth may take time and effort, and intimacy can take many forms. Read on to learn the answers to all your burning questions about sex after birth.

When Can You Have Sex After Birth?

According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), most doctors advise not to put anything in the vagina—including toys, fingers, and penises—for six weeks. Waiting this long allows for healing and reduces the risk of complications.

But it's important to note that the guideline is simply a minimum, not a mandate. So while you should ideally wait at least six weeks after giving birth to have sex, you certainly don't have to have sex that soon unless you want to.

How soon you have sex after giving birth is about more than physical healing. You or your partner may need more time to feel ready, and that's OK. In that sense, when you have sex is up to you. The best time to have sex after giving birth is when you and your partner are physically, mentally, and emotionally ready.

How Will Sex After Birth Feel?

It's perfectly normal if penetrative vaginal sex after birth doesn't feel as good initially as it once did. It's common for people to experience their first time having sex after birth as painful. And it's important to understand that this applies to people who have given birth vaginally and by C-section because it's not just about tissue trauma.

"The assumption is that the pain is from the trauma of delivery, which it definitely can be, but it also has to do with low levels of estrogen that affect the elasticity of the vaginal tissues," says Rebecca Booth, M.D., FACOG, a Louisville, Kentucky-based gynecologist and author of The Venus Week.

Estrogen levels drop right after giving birth and remain low while nursing. "When someone is nursing, especially in the beginning, the decrease in estrogen combined with high prolactin and oxytocin levels can mimic menopause for the first two to three months," says Dr. Booth. "Think night sweats, hot flashes, vaginal dryness, and often pain."

Even parents who underwent C-sections can experience painful vaginal sex after birth—even six weeks postpartum. If you had an episiotomy or other laceration, the time it takes to heal would depend on how extensive it was and where the cutting was done.

Why Do You Have a Low Sex Drive After Birth?

If you're worried that your lack of libido when it comes to sex after birth is your fault, let us put your fears to rest. Lots of factors can impact your sex drive, including:

  • Severe lack of sleep
  • Changing dynamics between you and your partner
  • Feeding challenges
  • Body changes
  • Hormonal fluctuations

Plus, if you're nursing, that could change your desire for sex, too. The low estrogen levels that occur during lactation have the side effect of suppressing your libido. "Patients are always relieved to find out there's a reason they're not as into sex," says Dr. Booth.

Rebecca Booth, M.D.

Patients are always relieved to find out there's a reason they're not as into sex.

— Rebecca Booth, M.D.

Will Postpartum Body Changes Affect Sex After Birth?

Your body may very well change after giving birth, which can affect sex after birth. Not everyone experiences the same body changes, but some common changes that might impact sex include:

  • Body aches and pains
  • Breast enlargement and pain
  • Vaginal swelling, tightness, and pain
  • Incontinence
  • Constipation
  • Fatigue
  • C-section or perineal scars

These changes can impact how you feel physically and emotionally, which can certainly impact how sexy you feel.

Vaginal elasticity is usually regained after childbirth, but your body's structure can be impacted. And, says Dr. Booth, "Even someone who had a C-section can be affected because the hormones of pregnancy widen the pelvic rim."

Time takes care of a lot of the aches, pains, and fatigue. But, if you're looking to feel stronger, try Pilates: "All that focus on the core also helps tighten the pelvic floor," Dr. Booth adds.

However, don't rush to a strenuous exercise routine too quickly. ACOG recommends starting slowly, with 20-30 minutes of simple postpartum exercises that target your abdomen and back. Then, when you're feeling stronger, you can gradually work up to more vigorous exercise. Of course, check with a health care provider before starting any exercise to be sure it's safe for you.

What Can You Do to Help With Sex After Birth?

The good news is there are some things you can do to make sex after birth better. From relaxing your expectations to getting creative, there are several ways to shake things up.

Focus on physical intimacy

While there is no timeline for getting back to sex after birth, it is important to reestablish physical intimacy with your partner in ways that are meaningful for both of you.

"If there's no physical intimacy, or if it's really limited, couples start to feel like roommates, which is rarely a good thing. Feeling disconnected can lead to resentment," says Amy Levine, a New York City sex coach and mom. "Start with kissing or touching each other in a loving way, and work your way up to post-delivery sex when you're ready."

The fact is, you likely won't have as much time to linger over dinner or go out for elaborate dates, so physical touch can be the thing to remind you that you're on the same team—and still more than just parents. Also, let's be honest, it puts everyone in a better mood.

Make it shorter

Sex after birth fun fact: Knowing it doesn't have to be a long, drawn-out session is a lovely grown-up fact. "Have your partner do what it takes to get you turned on, and then you do what it takes to keep your attention in the moment," says Levine. "Focus on the feeling—what they're doing to you, what you're doing to them—to stay present."

Take your time and use lube

Take your time, as in wait until you're ready to start having sex after birth, and go slow once you decide to dive in. Remember, in the postpartum period, your juices aren't flowing like they used to. So, expect vaginal dryness and have a bottle of lube handy to make things more comfortable and enjoyable.

Switch things up

Who said sex has to only happen at nighttime? "By the time I would get into bed at night, I was too tired to read a page of my book, let alone have sex," recalls Maryanne, a mom of two, of the early days. "I found myself turning my husband down a lot, which never feels good."

Then they realized that weekends during their son's nap were perfect for bonding. "It took the pressure off our nights and became something we both started to look forward to," she says. "And we still love our naptime ritual!"

Will You Enjoy Sex After Birth?

While sex after birth can be a struggle for many people, there are also many people who enjoy sex more after birth than they did before they were parents. One possible explanation: "Giving birth awakens us to a range of sensations, and as a result, our bodies, particularly our genitals, become more alive, increasing our pleasure potential," Levine notes.

Childbirth can also shift our internal parts into just the right place to make them more sensitive to stimulation. She adds that many report more comfort with their bodies and more intense orgasms after having kids.

Will Having Kids Mean Less Sex?

Just like you'll sleep again and go out with friends again and even be up for giving birth again, you'll want to have sex after giving birth again. "Give yourself time to literally heal, but also to adjust to your new roles," says Christi, a mom of two who had a tough time resuming a normal sex life after her first. "Be honest and open with each other, and remember that sometimes you may not be in the mood going in, but you will be really glad you did it afterward!"

Contrary to what you might think, having more kids does not equal less sex. Similar to how going from zero to one child is the biggest adjustment, returning to sex after baby number one is also the toughest.

Bottom line: At a certain point, you realize life with kids will always be chaotic, and you just have to do certain things, like fooling around, wherever and whenever you can.

Key Takeaways

There are many barriers to sex after birth. Afterall, your body is recovering, you're more sleep deprived than ever, and your hormones are on a rollercoaster ride. Even so, with time, patience, and creativity, most people get back to enjoying sex after birth—and some even enjoy it more!

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