Your body has transformed into a baby-feeding-and-comforting machine. Your romantic partner is suddenly someone’s Daddy. You’ve figured out how to line up all the snaps in those onesie pajamas. But here are some things you might not have realized will change forever once you’re a parent.
1. You'll never sleep in again
You probably didn’t consider this before you were a parent – sure, you can pay a babysitter an exorbitant hourly fee to watch Netflix while your kid sleeps so that you and your husband can go out to dinner and talk about how cute that kid is and how you shouldn’t talk about how cute the kid is all night but what can you do with a kid that cute. But you still have to wake up the next morning – or maybe even throughout the post-date-night night – to deal with that cuteness.
Still, while you’ll surely miss the days when weekend mornings meant lolling around in bed until it was time for Bloody Marys, post-baby you’ll also be introduced to the beauty of sunrises, to the fresh smell of 6 a.m. in the summer, the peace of the park before the big kids descend, and the only-now-understood phenomenon of lunch well before noon.
2. You say ridiculous things every day
When you become a parent you start saying totally parenty things. Everyone kind of expects this, though, so it’s no great shock to hear yourself saying “Just one more bite!” Or “You’ll understand when you’re older.” What is a bit surprising is the complete nonsense you hear yourself saying when conversing with toddlers. “But I can’t show you the picture until I take it!” is a commonly heard quip around here. As is “If you’re cold, put your clothes back on,” and “Please get your finger out of your butthole while you’re eating.”