Am I Ready for a Baby? 8 Questions to Ask Yourself

You want a baby, but are you ready for one? Ask yourself these eight questions before you start the journey to parenthood.

happy couple, kiss on the cheek
Getty Images

You may be thinking "I want a baby." But are you ready for a baby? While you've probably heard from friends with children that a person is never completely ready to have a baby, there are steps you can take to become more prepared—mentally, financially, and otherwise—to embark on the life-altering journey of parenthood.

We talked to Jean Twenge, PhD, author of The Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant, about important topics to tackle before you become a parent. While no two couples' or individual's needs will ever be the same, these questions can help you zero in on the key things to consider when asking yourself "am I ready for a baby?"

1. How Do You See Yourself Becoming a Parent?

You may want to have a child with a partner, or perhaps you're considering doing it on your own. You can try to get pregnant through intercourse or through egg or sperm donation. Or, you may look to surrogacy or adoption. There are many journeys to having a baby, all special—and with their own special considerations.

If you're trying to get pregnant through penis-in-vagina sex with a partner, you might want to "just see what happens." That could be successful: Research shows that 83% of people of reproductive age conceive within 12 months of discontinuing contraception. Some people want to take a more strategized approach from the start, such as tracking signs of ovulation to potentially become pregnant more quickly.

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) recommends that couples trying to conceive the "old-fashioned way" consult a doctor after one year if unprotected penis-in-vagina sex hasn't resulted in a pregnancy (or after six months if the person looking to be pregnant is over age 35).

There are also other pregnancy methods like intrauterine insemination (IUI) or in vitro fertilization (IVF). Or you may consider surrogacy or adoption. These options may take some extra financial planning.

2. How Are Your Finances?

Raising a child isn't cheap. A study by LendingTree found that the annual cost to raise a young child was around $22,000 in 2021, up 19% from 2016. The best time to take a look at your family budget is before you start your journey to parenthood. Considering how you'll be spending your money before and after a baby arrives is smart to do now.

The journey to parenthood itself can also be costly, whether it's the costs associated with pregnancy and birth, assisted reproductive technologies like fertility drugs or IVF, surrogacy, or adoption. Then there's the question of what your income will look like once the baby arrives and whether you can count on paid leave from an employer or if you'll need to save to cover a gap.

Once the baby is here, one of the costliest aspects of having a baby is child care, so it's important to think about whether you plan on one person staying home or using daycare, a nanny, or another child care provider. "Having a realistic view of child care options can be a good incentive to save," says Dr. Twenge.

If you settle on a daycare center, know that many have very long waiting lists, particularly for infant care. Policies vary across centers but if there's a particular place you've got your eye on, find out if you should get on the waiting list early on in the process.

3. What Are Your Job's Parental Leave Policies?

It's worth reviewing parental leave (including maternity leave and paternity leave) options now so you have a better idea of how much time you're allowed, what your pay will be when you're on leave (if any), whether vacation time can roll over into leave, and so on, says Dr. Twenge.

Parental leave policies vary widely from company to company and even state by state, so it's best to know what your company's rules are and to plan accordingly. For instance, does your company offer paid family leave? If not, are you eligible for unpaid leave under the federal Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA)? Could a short-term disability insurance policy cover some of your leave?

If you have a partner who is eligible for parental leave, be sure to look into those policies and plan around them as well. For example, if they can take leave at any time, you may be able to stack leaves to extend having one partner home with the baby longer.

4. Do You Need a Mental Health Check-In?

Parenthood comes with many lifestyle changes and can also bring up issues from your own childhood. Research shows that often, a transition to parenthood lowers a person's sense of psychological well-being, at least temporarily.

It's a good idea to explore whether therapy may be helpful to you before becoming a parent. Additionally, if you have a partner and your relationship has been rocky, seeking a relationship counselor before welcoming a baby into the mix is a good idea. And even if you are in a good place currently, it still might be helpful to discuss some of the ways that having a baby could challenge and change your relationship.

Don't go into parenthood thinking that having a baby is going to improve your relationship, says Dr. Twenge. "It might bring you closer. But there are a lot more things to fight about." When a baby arrives, there's a lot of work to be done and you're going to need strong communication and negotiation skills. If your relationship is already hitting serious snags, adding a baby could likely lead to bigger problems. Work on you two first before adding a very squeaky (if adorable) third wheel.

5. How Do You Plan to Delegate New Responsibilities?

Babies create a lot of new roles and responsibilities. While you may not be able to predict everything about how your new life as a parent will go, it's still a great idea to consider how you plan to delegate the work of parenting. If you're going into parenthood solo, this might look like creating your own "village," such as with support from family and friends and perhaps paid help such as a night nurse, house cleaners, or a nanny.

If you will have a co-parent, some things you'll want to cover include: overnight feedings, nights when the baby just won't sleep, laundry, meal-planning, grocery shopping, cooking, late-night store runs, and overall household tasks that are going to seem to triple once you've got a baby.

6. How Will You Handle Self-Care?

Parenthood can be a very demanding job, but that's exactly why it's important to consider how you will approach self-care when there is another human completely reliant on you. Self-care goes beyond taking care of your basic needs, and when you're a parent, just meeting your basic needs can take some planning as well as some give and take from your partner (if you have one).

For instance, if you won't use paid child care, you may need to trade child care duties on and off with a partner or another trusted adult so you can get time to care for yourself. This may be especially important for the partner who is handling the pregnancy, postpartum, and feeding responsibilities.

7. How Do You Want to Raise Your Child?

Your kids are sponges from babyhood and will listen closely to what you say and absorb what you believe. Earlier than later, you'll want to think about what messages you want to send your children through your language, traditions, and parenting style.

If you have a partner and don't share the same primary language, you should discuss what languages you will speak around your baby. Same with faith: Do you want your baby to be raised in a particular religion, and participate in any ceremonies or traditions that go along with it? Some people also feel strongly about carrying on certain family or cultural traditions, from meals to holidays.

It's a good idea to think about what kind of parenting style you want to adopt. Some parents are strict about rules, others are more relaxed. An "authoritative" approach, for instance, balances warmth with discipline and has been associated with positive outcomes for kids in research. Exploring different approaches early on will help guide communication between you and your child's other caregivers.

Of course, not all aspects of parenting need to be hashed out before welcoming a baby. Every child is different and your approach will evolve, but it's good to consider your general philosophy toward child-rearing now.

8. What Will Be Your Family's Living Arrangements?

It's smart to plan for where you want to live and who you want to live with before parenthood. Babies are wonderfully mobile, but as they age, children tend to enjoy predictability in their living arrangements. Moves are a natural part of life, but kids who are relocated very frequently are more likely to have problems in school, among other difficulties.

While children benefit from having a place they call home, they don't need to be in traditional family structures to flourish. You may live alone and have caregivers set up to help, or you may have a multigenerational household where extended family members live with you and help raise your baby.

While tiny babies don't take up much space, their inevitable crying and fussing may disrupt extended family members (and sometimes neighbors). Consider if your current living arrangements are conducive to welcoming a baby, and if not, what might need to change—at least in the short term.

Key Takeaways

While planning ahead can be helpful, not even the best-laid plans can truly prepare you for parenthood. Sometimes, the unexpected is simply part of the journey. "I'm a planner myself and I agree having these discussions is a good idea, however, there is such a thing as 'planning too much,'" says Dr. Twenge. "Some of these things will work themselves out as you go along. If you wait to have children until everything is completely settled in your life, you'll never have children. There is something to be said for taking a leap of faith."

Was this page helpful?
Sources
Parents uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Return of fertility after discontinuation of contraception: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Contraception and Reproductive Medicine. 2018.

  2. Evaluating Fertility. American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. 2022.

  3. Annual Costs to Raise a Small Child Increased By 19.3% Nationwide to $21,681 Between 2016 and 2021. Lending Tree. 2023.

  4. The pains and pleasures of parenting: When, why, and how is parenthood associated with more or less well-being?. Psychological Bulletin. 2014.

  5. Parenting Styles: A Closer Look at a Well-Known Concept. Springer Open Choice. 2019.

  6. Moving: Help Children Cope. American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. 2017.

Related Articles